I did stay with my boyfriend, Geoff, until about 9 months later when his stepbrother raped me at a party with my friends in the next room. Not only did I lose my boyfriend because I couldn’t bear to look at him or tell him what his stepbrother had done, but his stepbrother was also dating my best friend, who I never spoke to again after that night. Jae was the quarter back of the football team and just had the attitude he could take whatever he wanted, and no one would ever do anything to him. It is amazing how a moment in time can be so ingrained in your brain. I don’t even have to try and think about it, but I still remember everything about that night. The color of the carpet, the stereo on the shelves in front of us, the color of the walls, the sound of my friends in the next room, his long blond hair and bright blue eyes staring into mine while he held his hand over my mouth, holding me down and telling me to be quiet while he removed my pants, the smell of the beer on his breath, and the disgusting smile on his face. I still remember the feeling of him on top of me and inside me, the smell of the beer on his breath. It still makes me want to retch to this day. I still don’t understand how someone that can be your “friend” can think it is okay to violate you. I am not a piece of trash to be used up and thrown out, but was left feeling that way, and still do on some days.

The terror from these brothers seemed never ending. About 2 months later, my girlfriend Stacey asked if I wanted to go with her and her boyfriend, Johnny, to a party at the park. I agreed to go but was surprised when I got to the car and Geoff’s older brother was in the driver’s seat. I should have turned and gone back in the house because I knew he was bad news, but I was stupid enough to think that I would be okay because my friends would be there. When we got to the park, he immediately started harassing me. He stood behind me and tried to kiss me. I tried to ignore him and went over to a group of my friends. He came up behind me and pulled my hair back and whispered in my ear, “what my brothers are good enough for you, but you won’t sleep with me?” At that point, I told him to fuck off and thought I would just go back to the car and get my purse. I didn’t realize he was following me until he ripped open the driver’s door while I was leaning between the seats trying to get my purse. We started fighting. He grabbed me by the throat while I was in between the seats. I was able to scratch him and get into the front seat. As I opened the passenger door, he came around the car and started chasing me and grabbed me around the legs and knocked me to the ground. I kicked and yelled, and he let go of me because I was making a scene. As I got back into the light where my friends were, my friend Ray pulled into the parking lot. I immediately ran up to his truck, ripped open the door, and told him that I needed a ride home. As I was getting in the truck my best friend came running up asking me where I was going. As I rolled down the window to talk to her, Otis came up behind her and shoved his hand through the crack and grabbed me by the throat, pinning me against the seat. I rolled up the window with his arm in it and yelled at Ray to drive. As we started to drive, I unrolled the window, and Otis fell to the ground. We got stuck at the red light at the end of the parking lot, and the next thing I knew Otis was behind us. He followed us to my house and screamed at me that he would get me, but he never did. I stopped seeing Geoff after his brothers’ behavior. He tried to date me multiple times over the years, but I couldn’t even enter his house, so how would I ever date him or be involved with him in anyway. Now that I am older, I know what we had was puppy love, but at the time, I wanted to marry him and have children with him and felt completely defeated. I will never forget the last time I saw him. We had gone out for coffee while I was back in town. He held me and asked me, why? I just don’t understand why you won’t tell me why? Not only had his stepbrother raped me but his own biological brother had tried at a party. How could I sit in front of them at the same table? How could I rip his family apart by telling them? Instead, I just told him that he would never understand, but we would never work.